Russian Escort Service: My volunteer job at the Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony

I am an Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony volunteer. My job at the annual ceremony each year is to escort Russian Channel One (Первей Канал).

Here is the video of me explaining my job:

https://www.improbable.com/2020/09/02/reputation-for-not-following-rules-an-ig-nobel-prize-favorite-moment/

Bike Racing Embarrassment: “What a big one!”

 

 

At most bicycle races, we deal with pre-race nervousness by riding to a tree and facing away from the road or waiting in line at a Port-A-Potty.  At one of the most difficult races on the schedule in the late 90s, we had indoor plumbing. 

 

The Mount Nebo Road Race was a nine-mile lap with a more than a thousand feet of climbing per lap. Race distances were three laps for Cat 5 to nine laps for Cat 1&2 on this very hilly course in southern Lancaster County, Pennsylvania.

 

The race began and ended at the Marticville Elementary School.  As start times approached, racers clicked down the hallway on their cleats to a boy’s room with three old-fashioned, full-length urinals. 

 

Three urinals were bolted to the north wall. Morning light streamed in through the high windows on the east wall above the sinks. I stood in the line on the left side. There was a half-dozen men at each urinal. When my turn came, I looked down as I pulled at my bib shorts and saw a huge cockroach running around the drain. 

 

Surprised, I blurted out, “What a big one!” I had spent 11 years in the Army earlier in my life. In a millisecond I knew how dumb my remark was. I finished what I was doing and walked out. In the hallway, one of my earnest master’s racer friends said, “Neil, you shouldn’t say that.” As if that was news to me.

 

It was nearly the end of the season and I was overseas every month for work back then, so I got less kidding about my gaffe than I expected.  But I certainly know not to do running commentary on roaches in my urinal!

Vote Trump to Support Israel? Not This American Jew!

 

 

I know Jews in America and Israel who support re-electing the current President based in part on his support for Israel.  I can understand how an Israeli could have that opinion. Although I supported President Obama, I did not support his foreign policy in general and his relationship with Israel in particular.

While I understand Israeli support for Trump, I knew it was bad for America. Here is one of many Israeli rabbis who support Trump. 

 

Then I read an article by a Taiwanese American justifying his plan to vote for Trump.  He pointed out, correctly, that Trump has supported Taiwan more than any other recent President.  And stood up to China more than any other recent President.  He sounded very much like a Jew supporting Trump based on Israel.  The article by Eric Chang begins:

“If you asked me to put money down on whether or not Donald Trump could point Taiwan out on a map, I would say you are out of your mind. However, if you asked me whether or not the Trump presidency has been good for Taiwan, I would be lying if I said it has not. To be clear, I am not talking about what might be better for the United States; I am strictly talking in terms of Taiwan’s geopolitics and from my personal opinion.

Growing up in the U.S. when I was younger, I never really understood why my progressive parents would sometimes vote Republican. But now, after living in Taiwan for more than 19 years, I can see the method behind the madness. The GOP has traditionally been more vocal in their support of Taiwan. And of course, a lot of that has to do with the massive arms purchases, but it is tangible, effective support nonetheless.”

As I read, I realized that the short-term benefits to Taiwan and Israel of a Trump re-election were based on the America continuing to be the richest and strongest country in the world, and on Trump keeping his word.  It was a clear “Oh shit!” moment that was belied by everything that Trump has done in his life and particularly what he has done as President. 

Trump’s deep concern for Israel came from his Evangelical advisors telling him how much the flocks they fleece love Israel.  Trump needs Evangelical votes to be re-elected, but on November 4^th, he will have no further need the religious rubes he scorns in private. 

Taiwan will be useful to Trump until he trades away protection for the island nation in a deal with President Xi of China. He will sell out Taiwan and the island nation will follow Hong Kong into Chinese control and loss of independence. 

Part of Trump caving in to Xi will be the real ruin of the American economy that will follow Trump’s re-election.  Trump’s central failure of 2020 is his pathetic response to COVID-19.  The United States is the plague nation of the world with the most infection and death in the world in absolute numbers and even worse relative to population.  The debt and death we have accumulated in 2020 will leave China on top of the global economy as early as next year if we collapse suddenly. 

 

Reading Eric Chang has made it clearer to me how important it is for Americans to vote as Americans.

Chang’s essay is, in part a response to an article a week before that began:

“A strong United States is crucial for a more secure and democratic Taiwan. Contrary to popular perception among the first generation in the Taiwanese American community, the Trump administration has weakened the United States’ economic, diplomatic, and moral standing in the world. This is detrimental to Taiwan’s long-term security and democracy. The authoritarian government of China continues to threaten military intervention, claim sovereignty over democratic Taiwan, and expand China’s military and economic power throughout the Asia Pacific region.

The November 2020 election is the Taiwanese American community’s opportunity to vote Trump out of office and support the election of former Vice President Joseph Biden and Senator Kamala Harris. The Biden-Harris administration will take actions to strengthen the U.S.’s relationships with our allies rather than continue our unilateralism.”

Trump is a vile liar who wants to be a dictator and re-election will grant him and his family the ability to plunder America and ruin the 240-year experiment in democracy that America is. Supporting Trump in or out of America means trusting the man of 20,000 lies to keep his word.

Israel and Taiwan are vastly outnumbered by foes who would destroy them. A strong and stable United States is the best chance for both countries to be safe in a dangerous world.

But for Americans of whatever background there is no choice. Every American should be a one-issue voter and that issue is “Defeat Trump.” We are currently the leading plague state in the world because of his failures and four more years will be beyond dismal.  I plan to express my support for Israel and America and free people around the world by voting for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris to replace the worst President in American history.

While advocates for Israel and Taiwan point to current reasons to support Trump, the long-term direction of a Trump presidency is to support dictators and betray democracies.  At the time Trump betrayed the Kurds after one phone call from Turkey, Israelis expressed concern Trump could do the same to them. I said, "Will not Could."  Whatever the weaknesses of Democratic foreign policy in the past, Biden and Harris are pro-democracy and believe America should support democracy around the world. That in itself is an infinite improvement over the dictator-wannabe we have now.

 

 

 

In My Next War I'm On The Other Side of Asymmetric Warfare

Between 1972 and 2016 our country was always at war. Even in the decade between 1991 and 2001 when The Cold War was over and the Gulf War was won, American soldiers patrolled the world. During the "peace" we bombed Belgrade, intervened in Kosovo, fought fierce battles in Somali and sat on our hands during the slaughter in Rwanda.   

From 1985 to 2007, I was a bearded, middle-aged civilian who could say "Been there, done that" to military service. Then in 2007, I re-enlisted, served in Iraq for a year with Army Aviation and then volunteered for service in Afghanistan.  

I volunteered for three asymmetric wars.  America lost two (the Vietnam War and the Iraq War) and is about to lose the third (the War in Afghanistan).

My favorite service was in a symmetric war, The Cold War. America and NATO won that one in the way that any team wins if the other team goes out of business. The Soviet Union ceased to exist. We won. 

In the asymmetric wars, I was on the side with the guns and the bombs and the drones and combat aircraft.  But in each case I was on the losing side.  

In each of these wars, America killed many times more of the people of the country we invaded than we lost ourselves. The lesson we should have learned but did not:

"Killing is the weapon of the strong. Dying is the weapon of the weak. It is not that the weak cannot kill; it is only that their greatest strength lies in their capacity to die in greater numbers than the strong." 

If Trump steals the election and then the nation, he will have the guns: he will have the military, the police and the militias who are most ready of all to kill other Americans.  

The protesters who stand up for America in the wake of Trump and the Republicans betraying America will have to be ready to die. 

The quote above is from the book "Nothing Ever Dies: Vietnam and the Memory of War" by Viet Thanh Nguyen.  He was born in 1971. He was four years old when the North Vietnamese won the war. He came to America as a refugee.  He wrote about the millions who died to win the war against American industrial war.  

I hope Joe Biden wins in a landslide, but if he loses by theft and treason, we have to be ready to fight back. My fifth war will be on the other side of asymmetric warfare. 

Sophie's Choice and Several Others by Meryl Streep

 

After we watched "Sophie's Choice" my wife and I decided to watch several Meryl Streep movies.

We next watched "The French Lieutenant's Woman" which, surprisingly had no French Lieutenant. It is two stories, one contemporary, one in the 19th Century with Streep and Jeremy Irons the lovers at the center of both stories. The movie has two endings. It's delightful. It was filmed in 1981, the year before "Sophie's Choice."

After that we watched "Iron Lady" in which Streep is Margaret Thatcher. The main thread of the story is Thatcher widowed and long out of power struggling with herself at the end of her live. The movie flashes back to Thatcher in power and to Thatcher before she was in power--always conservative, always ambitious.

For Sophie's Choice, Streep trained for months to learn Polish and German. The year before for "The French Lieutenant's Woman" she learned to speak with an the English accent of a woman from the Midlands. In "Iron Lady" the English accent was back.

Our next movie is "Out of Africa" in which she learned Dutch.

I am not sure how many of Streep's movies we will watch, but we will definitely end with "The Devil Wears Prada."

Military Service Always Risks Death

 

In 1971 Murrie Hubbard and I graduated from Stoneham High School.  Among the 371 graduates only Murrie and I served during the Vietnam War.  

Murrie went straight to the Marine Corps. After completely Basic and Infantry training he went to Vietnam, serving a year with a Marine Rifle Company.  In 1973, Murrie came home. He was uninjured.

At the end of January 1972, I went to US Air Force Basic Training at Lackland Air Force Base, San Antonio.  After basic, I went to an eight-month missile electronics school at Lowry Air Force Base in Denver.  In October I went to Hill Air Force Base, Utah.  That was the closest I ever got to Vietnam during the war.  

For the next 13 months I worked as a live-fire missile technician. On November 9, 1973, after Murrie was home, I was blinded and had a couple of fingers hanging from my right hand after a missile test explosion.  I came home several weeks later. My hand was still bandaged, my fingers in a cast and my right eye patched.  

When we swear to support and defend the Constitution, we may come home unscathed, or injured or dead.  There is no partial oath.  

America's Future: Combat Medic in Training

 

Emily Burgett on Mount Monadnock just before enlisting 

Eleven years ago, I wrote a lot of articles with the general title "Who Fights Our Wars?" Now I am years away from serving and a friend who I met while volunteering at an ESL ministry is in training to be a Combat Medic. 

On Tuesday, March 17, four days after borders began closing all over the world, I got a flight back from Paris to Kennedy Airport. Emily and I had talked and messaged a few times while I was in Israel and Europe and she told me she decided to enlist. By the time I landed that day, Army Specialist Emily Ann Burgett was flying to Fort Sill, Oklahoma, to begin what was to be the last Army Basic Training for a while.  

Emily thought about enlisting for a long time. She thought about becoming a pilot. She finally settled on Combat Medic.  Right now she is in medic training at Fort Sam Houston.  I occasionally get a text from her about medic training and Army life then don't hear from her for a week or two.  

At 28, Emily is a decade older than most basic trainees. She lived in both California and Massachusetts with her family, lived in Lancaster, Pa., as an undergraduate and after getting a masters degree. She earned that masters degree in history at The Hebrew University of Jerusalem. While there she studied Arabic and plans someday to work with refugees. She has traveled to China with her family. The family business is making pianos sold in America and Asia. She has been across Europe and in Central America. 

Emily is an avid rock climber and an adventure tourist so the Army travel will continue the adventure.  Last week, one of the messages I got from Emily was about the explosion in Beirut.  Her class had just learned a new life-saving procedure. She said it reminded her why she joined. 

She will complete medic training next month and join her unit in Massachusetts.