Many Dimensions of Parenting in a Podcast and in my Life

One of my sons is in a rehab program in Minneapolis. The arrangements were made by one of my daughters who has been caring for him since last August.  Before that another daughter was taking him in at her house sometimes for weeks at a time trying to help him find work and to live independently.

Having six kids, three adopted and three the other way, is complicated.  I began the journey of parenting confident that nature and nurture were about 50/50 influences in a child's life. Over the past 30 years, I came to believe children pop out about 90 percent who they are. Parents, siblings, environment and passing comets are the other 10 percent.  

In a recent episode of her podcast "Honestly," soon-to-be-first-time-parent Bari Weiss assembled a panel of authors who recently published very different books on parenting.  I did not agree with everything they said, but I did not disagree with everything they said--which is my default setting with modern parenting experts.  Here is the panel:

I especially liked Doucleff and the whole idea of a village raising kids. It's a great discussion.  Here's a link or you can subscribe to Honestly wherever you get podcasts. 

Unlike many parents I know, I went into parenting knowing I would get a lot wrong. But the compensation for the over-confidence I started with has been how much the six kids who call me Dad have helped each other (and helped me) through difficult periods of life.  

Okay. Maybe the nature/nurture split is 80/20.

Grandpa Hyman: My Favorite Draft Dodger

My grandfather Hyman Gussman dodged the draft.  He was 44 years old at the time and in Odessa, a Black Sea port in Tsarist Russia.  It was August 1914 and Grandpa had inexplicably visited his former home after emigrating to America in 1900.

When his ship landed at the Odessa docks, the customs officials realized Grandpa was an emigre Jew and sent him to the Army.  Hyman managed to escape and started walking north.  He kept walking for until February of 1915 when he made it to Finland. On the way he almost died from pneumonia, suffered starvation and terrible Russian winter. 

Eventually he got to Portugal and back to Boston.  He lived until 1932 and in that time never left Boston again.  I wrote more about this story here.

Thinking about Grandpa made me realize that my position on draft dodging has some gray area.  Not in the order of Commander-in-Chief: no one should command armies who let another man serve and die in his place.  But in Tsarist Russia in World War I, the draft was a death sentence for Jews.  I am glad Hyman Gussman disobeyed Russian draft law.

Rough Two Weeks For My Entire Family: Life Happens Fast

On Wednesday, Sept. 18, we got news from Haiti that the adoption might finally be moving forward, and some other indications that Xavier's happy disposition is falling victim to his difficult circumstances and so much uncertainty about the adoption.

On the same day, Nigel skipped football practice because he was being teased and threatened by his teammates.  Annalisa wrote to the vice principal, but the situation was not so good.   And I was terribly sad.  I think of middle school as the place where "The Lord of the Flies" is real.  If I could spare my boys middle school,  I would be so happy.

And then the news went from sad to bad.

The same the evening I got a text message from my oldest daughter that her dog, Watson, got hit by a car.  Watson has bruised lungs, a broken leg, and possibly other internal injuries.  Lauren loves her dog.  I went to sleep that night feeling so sad for Lauren and Nigel and had a fleeting thought about what else could go wrong.

The next morning my step-daughter, Iolanthe, wrote to say her Dad, who has terminal cancer, would be going to hospice very soon.  At this point, Watson was alive, but there were indications of internal bleeding and his bladder was swelling.  The adoption agency said we needed to file some papers right away.

That night my daughter Lisa ate egg whites for dinner and spent the next two days with nasty food poisoning.  She is 1000 miles away in Minnesota, so I could only pray and hope for the best.

Saturday morning, Iolanthe's Dad passed away.  He had been in terrible pain so there was some relief along with the sadness.

Then we got some good news.  Watson wagged his tail and  seems to be good, but may have further internal injuries.  The vice principal talked to Nigel and will help him with the team.  The adoption agency said we can move forward with the paperwork and we have preliminary approval. Lisa was feeling better.

In the midst of all this was a low-level but aggravating problem with our other adopted son downloading images and games he should not be downloading. 

Now the news keeps bouncing up and down.  Nigel got to play in a game on Thursday, but then got taken off the team on Friday for missing practice.

Lisa is feeling better, Watson is getting better, and Iolanthe looked great at her Dad's memorial service. 

Annalisa is holding up unbelievably well with many work pressures in addition to the family stuff. 

If there was some way I could withdraw honorably from this school and go home, I would do it.  Five weeks to go and I will be able to go home and help more with the all the kids.

I am hoping to take the boys to Lauren's house to see Watson, once Watson is feeling better.  This coming weekend I plan to take them to Philadelphia on Saturday and give my wife a day off.

Two terrible weeks end tomorrow.