Many Dimensions of Parenting in a Podcast and in my Life

One of my sons is in a rehab program in Minneapolis. The arrangements were made by one of my daughters who has been caring for him since last August.  Before that another daughter was taking him in at her house sometimes for weeks at a time trying to help him find work and to live independently.

Having six kids, three adopted and three the other way, is complicated.  I began the journey of parenting confident that nature and nurture were about 50/50 influences in a child's life. Over the past 30 years, I came to believe children pop out about 90 percent who they are. Parents, siblings, environment and passing comets are the other 10 percent.  

In a recent episode of her podcast "Honestly," soon-to-be-first-time-parent Bari Weiss assembled a panel of authors who recently published very different books on parenting.  I did not agree with everything they said, but I did not disagree with everything they said--which is my default setting with modern parenting experts.  Here is the panel:

I especially liked Doucleff and the whole idea of a village raising kids. It's a great discussion.  Here's a link or you can subscribe to Honestly wherever you get podcasts. 

Unlike many parents I know, I went into parenting knowing I would get a lot wrong. But the compensation for the over-confidence I started with has been how much the six kids who call me Dad have helped each other (and helped me) through difficult periods of life.  

Okay. Maybe the nature/nurture split is 80/20.

My Daughter's Book Featured in Lancaster Newspapers

 

My daughter Lauren's book "Amelia's Journey to Find Family" was featured in a review in the Lancaster Newspapers today.  

She published the book this summer after caring for a 14-year-old rescue Labrador Retriever named Amelia for the last year of her life.  I wrote about Lauren's book and her love for dogs in a post in June last year.

If you want a copy of the book, you can order it here. 

It's wonderful to see Lauren share her love of dogs in this way.  

Her Dad is very proud!

My Daughter's First Book -- Amelia's Journey to Find Family

 

Lauren Auster-Gussman, my oldest daughter, 

with her book Amelia's Journey to Find Family

If I were asked to name one thing that defines the life of my oldest daughter, I would say, "Lauren loves dogs!"

We got our family's first dog when Lauren was eight years old. The German Shepherd named Lucky was the whole family's dog, but Lauren really loved that dog.  Except for when she lived in college dorms, Lauren has had dogs ever since.  She currently has two rescue dogs named Guinness and Watson, but she wrote her first book about a dog named Amelia.  

Amelia and her book

Lauren adopted Amelia last year and kept her alive and as healthy as possible until she passed away last month on May 20, National Rescue Dog Day at the age of approximately 12-14.  The book is a story told by Amelia about finding her last and final family.  If you would like to get the book for a child in your life (or yourself), order here.

Lauren volunteers for Lu's Labs, a Labrador Retriever Rescue organization.  Lauren fostered thirty rescued labs over the past five years before deciding to keep Amelia.  

Over the past year, Amelia posted daily on the Lu's Labs site as well as her and her brother's instagram page. These posts detailed her transition to Lauren's home, old lady ailments, the difficulties of training the humans and attempting to understand their behavior, and about finding the simple joys and things to be grateful for in each day.  These posts had hundreds of followers. 

In her passing, Amelia received over a thousand messages from people telling her how her posts inspired them, taught them about love and gratitude, helped them through difficult times in their lives, the uncertainty of COVID, and how reading her daily posts became part of their morning coffee routine or part of family dinner each night. These messages also had another common and incredible theme, so many people spoke of the incredible love they had for dog they'd never met. 

Lauren is currently posting on Facebook at Team Wag Forever.

On Instagram:  Amelia Writes Books and Guiness Watson and Friends.

Lauren shared with me many of the hundreds of comments she received.  I was really moved by the comment from her soccer coach at Juniata College, Scott McKenzie.  I only went on one college visit with Lauren and that was the college she picked. I remember little of the visit except the first moment of meeting coach McKenzie.  

Lauren and I walked into McKenzie's office. He was sitting at the desk looking at some papers, looked at Lauren then bolted straight up out of his chair, hands raised like he was in Church and said, "Praise the Lord. A five-foot ten goalkeeper wants to play for my team."  

Lauren played every season, but missed a lot of her senior season after an open fracture of her finger in a pre-season game.  

Here is Coach McKenzie's response to Amelia's passing.  Lauren's nickname on the team was "Goose."  

A good friend of mine lost one of her dogs this morning. Not just any friend and not just any dog!  Goose (my friend) competed for me while a student-athlete at Juniata College. Goose was a terrific goalkeeper for our women’s soccer team. She’s an even better human being who has dedicated her professional life to caring for others. It makes sense, then, that this tendency towards care would carry over to her personal life in the dedication she shows to her family and her pets. Goose volunteers for an organization called Lu’s Labs, which connects available dogs with their forever families. 

In Amelia’s case, the cards were stacked against this wonderful chocolate lab. Elderly dogs and dogs with compromised health are tough to place. In steps Goose (about a year ago) and becomes Amelia’s foster and then forever Mom. Goose and her husband welcomed Amelia into their family of two other labs and they became a family of five. 

Goose and Amelia wrote a children’s book together about finding a home and being loved. I can’t wait to get my “pawtographed” copy. 

Goose gave Amelia a voice and many of us have followed their wonderful journey together. 

This morning, that journey ended as Amelia earned her wings and will be waiting for her families at the Rainbow Bridge. 

Before she left, Amelia asked for a favor from all of us. She asked us to consider an elderly or ill dog if/when you adopt. She proved, over the past year, that they can give love and laughs with the time they have left. I believe this to be true. 

So, please learn more about adoption. Visit Lu’s Labs online. Consider Amelia’s book as a good read for you or a friend. 

Most importantly, open your heart to the possibility of the great amount of love that remains in our dogs, no matter what their age. 

Amelia, I never met you but my eyes were filled with tears of heartbreak when I learned of your passing. 

Good dog Amelia. Good dog. 

Goose - you’re an amazing person and I thank you for allowing many of us to join you in loving that good dog.

Two Great Saves Become a Broken and Dislocated Finger in Pre-Season

Three days ago my oldest daughter Lauren made a spectacular save in a pre-season game.  She is a senior and plays goalkeeper for Juniata College.  She made the diving save with her left hand hitting the ball away just before she hit the ground, left hand first.  Lauren felt  a momentary sharp pain in the first finger of her left hand.  Her training overrode her feelings.  She snapped to her feet knowing that a loose ball of the net meant another shot.  She made another save.

When the ball was clear of the goal she yelled to the coach that her first finger was out of her glove.  She took the glove off then yelled to the coach that she needed a substitute.  Part of the first bone of her first finger was sticking through the skin.  At that point the game stopped and she walked off the field to get ice, ibuprofen and a ride to the hospital.

Lauren called me on the way to the hospital telling me what happened.  She was clearly on the edge of tears, but being brave.  she said she hoped for pins instead of plates and screws because she could play sooner.  It turned out she needs plates and screws and will have the surgery on Tuesday.  Later that evening after she had the X-rays she said, "It's two breaks.  My broken bone count is Seven."

I am very proud of her.  If there is any way she can play at the end of the season, I am sure she will.

The drawbacks of Army life and having a family are obvious, but on the other side of the ledger, my kids grew up (and are growing up) with Army stories as part of their lives.  They all lived with my deployment last year.  They want to be brave like their Dad and like all the soldiers I tell them about. CS Lewis said what you pretend to be, you will eventually become.

Lewis is right.