But as of last night my wife is more at peace about the deployment--whichever way the waiver decision goes.
Last night her biggest worry for the deployment left our house in handcuffs. The 15-year-old boy we took in our house in April became more and more angry over the last two weeks and finally became so enraged over being caught in a lie that he had a fit that included breaking things with a hammer and threatening himself and the rest of our family.
He had a troubled past, but we were assured by his social worker in Lehigh Valley that he simply had bad breaks. My wife and I thought we would try to give him the "forever home" he said he wanted.
But a forever home has rules and it is tough to give up what we know for something else--even if it is better. C.S. Lewis says that after a religious conversion the convert will often find his former desires fill his mind. And even if the convert manages to keep the desires from taking over, the voice of desire inside "will be up on an elbow. . .whining."
Failure is an option in taking a child into a family--whether by adoption or birth. C.S. Lewis writes in another place (in the 1940s before TV) about how difficult it is to convince a child in poverty in the city to give up playing in a puddle in the slums to travel to the sea shore. We were not able to convince our new son that living as part of a family was actually better than the life he left in foster care--20 different foster homes.
Failure is an option in the military. Not all military missions succeed.
Failure is an option in bicycle racing. Over the last decade I have lost 20 bicycle races for each victory.
Failure is an option in running races. I won just one running race in my life and in that I won my age group.
Today we will receive a stack of paperwork that must be resubmitted to the Haitian embassy for another child we are hoping to adopt. We are very sure he will do well in America, but we have much less confidence in our ability to navigate the paperwork through the Haitian system. Failure is an option here also.
Tonight my wife and I are going out to dinner to celebrate our 15th anniversary. We have three grown daughters who are doing very well and three more kids at home who seem on track to do well also. We both know that risk can mean reward and that risk can mean failure.
We will be taking more risks together and separately--and moving forward with our very complicated and interesting lives.
Wow. Neil, you are an original.
ReplyDeleteNeil,
ReplyDeleteI hope you will receive the waiver you seek, not that I wish you or any soldier to be in harms way, but I am appreciative of your willingness to go . . . again.
I am saddened to hear that things did not work out with this young boy that was to be part of your family. I will keep him in my prayers and hope that he will find a place one day. The paperwork for Haiti may seem daunting, but you and your wife have faced greater challenges and, the Lord willing, you will be successful and your family will grow.
Failure is, as you say, always an option. We would do well to keep that in mind. It helps to humble one and not to prevent us from "thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought," as the bible teaches. God bless.
My friend, Spinoza said that " music is good for melancholy, bad for those who mourn, and nor good or bad for the deaf..." many times the same song has different effects on different listeners. The two people I dearly love and raise , my little Girl and my beloved Kid, are listening to the same tune from their boring father, but the effect does differ so much... As you once said to me in a parking lot in in Sao Paulo, I am just trying to do my best until they find out that their dad is just another man. We cannot correct the bruises and pain this boy went through in the past, we cannot even wish that. It'd be unfair with all involved. Sartre said that it is not important what is made of a man, but what he does with what has been done to him. I hope that all of our failures, bring fruits that help us all on our path towards happiness. Which Spinoza ( yes, him again) said is what we are all looking for. In the end our efforts to do good are what really matter as Triumph and Disaster are two impostors...
ReplyDeleteIn a few days I 'll be in your beautiful State teaching my kids a bit of this dichotomy in Gettysburgh... I will be thinking of your family and praying that the boy finds a path as good as that you are chasing .
My prayers with you all
Thanks Rich and Susan.
ReplyDeleteIvan, I might be going to the Haitian embassy tomorrow or Friday and to Pittsburgh Saturday. But maybe we can figure a place to meet. Gettysburg is 100km from my house.
My heart goes out to you, Annalise and your family. My prayerful hope is that the time the boy spent with you provided him a durable glimpse of what love and care are possible.
ReplyDeleteNeil, don't worry. I will send you my schedule by email and if you find a spot, we'll meet, or else, just know we'll be praying for you. I'll be in Haiti in some 45 days. If I can help somehow, just tell me what to do. Ciao amigo!
ReplyDelete